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January 3, 2017

The Road Ahead

I sit with my dog just outside the comfort of home. Safety, security and familiarity beckon from the other side of the door behind us. I look over the few possessions I packed and feel ill-prepared for the road ahead. I got Eko to help me search for the meaning of life, but how am I supposed to know what direction to go when I don’t even know the destination?
rhodesian ridgeback, marking our territory, adventure I sit with my dog just outside the comfort of home. Safety, security and familiarity beckon from the other side of the door behind us. I look over the few possessions I packed and feel ill-prepared for the road ahead. I got Eko to help me search for the meaning of life, but how am I supposed to know what direction to go when I don’t even know the destination? Luckily my puppy has courage enough for us both. Propelled by Eko’s enthusiasm and wagging tail, we take to the road and begin my quest for purpose. We cross the country looking for answers. I discover I’m not even sure I’m asking the right questions. And my answer to the same question often changes. What never changes is Eko’s unwavering commitment to follow and love me no matter where the adventure takes us. One night, while driving into an approaching storm on a quiet highway in Montana, one of our tires is shredded by shrapnel in the road. I manage to bring the three-wheeled car to a safe stop on the shoulder of a bridge over a river. There is no cell phone service in the rural valley. We are alone in the dark. I scramble to grab the spare tire and repair kit. The storm is imminent, but before I begin the hasty and hair-raising highway repair, I open the back door and motion for Eko to sit and stay by the edge. I know if a car comes around the corner and doesn’t see my hazard lights and open hatch, there’s a very real possibility we’re hit and killed. My brilliant solution? Each time I spot oncoming headlights while changing the tire I run to the side of the car and hold Eko. If I think a car might hit us, I lift Eko and prepare to jump into the river below. Insane idea? You bet. But leaving Eko behind is simply not an option. Eko metaphorically jumps into the darkness with me each day. I am ready to literally jump into the darkness with him this night. Rhodesian Ridgeback, marking our territory, adventure Luckily I change the tire without incident and limp the unsteady car through the storm. Still riding high on adrenaline, I give a manic laugh when Eko breaks the tension by planting a big kiss on my cheek. “This is it,” I realize. You don’t search for the meaning of life, the meaning of life is the search. Racing storms, breaking down, finding a way to keep moving, jumping off a damn bridge with your dog in your arms if that’s what it takes to keep going. To keep searching, to keep discovering and rediscovering ourselves in the new possibilities of each moment. Five years later, I sit with my dog just outside the comfort of home. It is not the same home. It is not the same dog. I am not even the same “I.” I hold Penny in the darkness of early morning, my courage once again faltering. The drive back east for the holidays will be my first road trip since Eko died and I can’t bring myself to leave without him. “I know, I know.” I speak the words aloud with the same loving chagrin I used when Eko would nudge me out of my chair for a walk. Except this time I feel him nudging me back towards the road. Back towards the search, back towards purpose. His message is amplified by the electric current running through Penny. She fidgets in my arms, eager to set off on this new road ahead. “Okay,” I say with a sigh and a smile. We load up the car and drive into the dawn. I resisted this journey because I feared all roads led away from Eko. But the meaning is the search, the search is the road, and the road is Eko. So for me, the meaning of life will always be inexorably tied to the puppy who taught me the road is the destination. Wherever this new road takes us, we go not away from Eko, but with him. Rhodesian Ridgeback, marking our territory, adventure Which is good news, because I need all the help I can get. I have a funny feeling 2017 is going to be one hell of a ride.

Comments for The Road Ahead

  1. Piglove says:

    Beautiful sweet friend. It brought rain to my eyes. You never forget the ones that leave us first. They always remain right there with you. Their paw prints are hidden in your heart and there they will remain with you always. Happy New Years dear friend – here’s to many NEW adventures in 2017! Hogs and snout kisses. XOXO – Bacon

  2. meANXIETYme says:

    YES! I can understand your hesitation and I’m so impressed with your resolution to continue forward with Eko in your heart rather than by your side. I’m also impressed with your ability to be so open with your feelings. I hope your trip home was a good one!

  3. I agree with every word you wrote… you described it as it is… I don’t hope for good things what will come our way in 2017…. I only hope theta the bad things will stay away from us… that would be fine…

  4. fran welch says:

    Will, Penny will give u so many adventures that u know Eko would approve of. Eko will be with u all always. I cant wait to read all the things u n Penny will do. Its a new year, new adventures, new experiences together. Love to u all.

  5. Jo Rhodes says:

    Move over, we’re coming with you! We’ll show 2017 what’s what. Is this map upside down? Does the g.p.s. speak English?
    Love, Jo, Sam and Dean

  6. Shirley Andonie says:

    Hoping it will be a safe and happy ride. Wishing you, Emily and Penny a very Happy New Year!

  7. Adventures await both of you. Best wishes for a promising journey and a ‘pawsome’ 2017.

  8. Emmadog says:

    Nothing will fill the void left by Eko, but a crazy girl like Penny will lead you in a whole new direction if you let her. She will show you life in a whole different manner from how Eko did. Both will be wonderful, but very different. We wish you a wonderful 2017!

  9. Connie Taylor says:

    Eko will always be around the next corner showing all of you the wonders that are yet to come your way. Here’s to a great 2017 for you and your family and thank you so much for allowing all of us into your home and sharing your lives with the world. It’s such a joy to see life in other parts of the country.

  10. Kismet says:

    I’d love to join you but first I gotta get outta this cage.

  11. Stef Luciano says:

    Thank you as always for sharing your love, heartache and journey with us. Happy New Year Will, Emily, Penny AND Eko. I know he is always with you.

  12. My goal for 2017 is to read your archives! I didn’t find Marking Our Territory until you, Eko, and Emily were all settled in Chicago, so I would love to read more about your and Eko’s adventures on the road. Eko seems like the best travel companion you could have hoped for, so of course he will still be with you on your journeys going forward.

  13. coastingnz says:

    Eko will always be will you Will – no matter where you are going. Just because you can’t see him doesn’t mean he isn’t constantly by your side. Never stop believing.

  14. ((((hugs))))) and simply beautiful. I am too choked up to say anything else….praying it will be a GOOD year and a much KINDER year (((hugs))) again

  15. Geri Zeibert says:

    Where is Emily? Echo will live forever in your soul, just as Orflaith lives in mine. Their lives are so short compared to ours that their loss is inevitable. You were robed of time but never of impact or memory. Here’s hoping 2017 has better in store, but no matter what, only you can choose to look beyond circumstance and seek out whatever happiness is available. Reach for love, for goodness and the light, in whatever odd spots you may find it! Blessings.

  16. Elyse says:

    Eko will never leave you behind. You’re swimming that river together, whether you can see him or not.

  17. Judy Petitto says:

    But there will be, I assure you a day when — along with the memory of your pet — and piercing through the heaviness in your heart — there will come a realization that belongs only to you. It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost. This realization takes the form of a Living Love — like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted, this Love will remain and grow — and be there for us to remember. It is a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live. It is a Love which is ours alone. And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our Beloved Pets — it is a Love we will always possess.Keep searching for that destination. Happy 2017!

  18. Eve Walraven says:

    BRAVO on that first trip w/o EKO! I know you’re gonna have a lot of first with w/o the big guy! But you are taking those first steps and just know he’ll always be with you in your heart wherever you may roam! Have a great year!

  19. Harper Lee and Talluah have led me to so many fabulous places and interesting people. I have a feeling Penny will be an excellent tour guide on your new road. Happy 2017.

  20. T&S says:

    I sense from this post that your lost just hit you hard these days. Eko will always follow you in your heart. And yes, I know he was special, the first one. I feel that for our male dog also, he is my heart and soul, he was my first baby, nothing compares to him. But we also have our funny little girl, always in a good mood and ready to play. She is our love, our happines, our smiles. They are so different and this is good. With her I know I could love another dog as I love our male only in a different way because of difference in their characters. She holds other parts of my heart.
    Nothing compares to Eko, he will always hold that part of your heart. But you still have your little girl and a mission for new adventures with her. It will be different, but it is good that way.
    So go for it, take Penny to some new adventures. It doesnt need to be a big trip, it could be many small trips, like places in Chicago. We would love to see Penny in the city.
    Best regards from us

  21. Ellen Quilty says:

    This was the first Christmas without Eko and not surprisingly it hit you hard.The first year of holidays is always the worst.This thought just popped into my head so forgive me if I am being presumtous.I remember you saying when you lost Eko that you had wanted to have him there for your children so perhaps I am making a leap but I just had a picture of you telling them of the big adventures you had with your wonderful dog Eko and how you and he drove all the way across the country and how brave he was and funny and how much fun you both had as their eyes get wider and wider.Maybe after that a children’s book about Mr Eko and his sidekick Will? Sorry maybe I am getting carried away but he was such an influence on you and such an important part of your life that I just couldn’t help myself.

  22. Eko was an incomparable teacher. He always knew how to get his message across. And he still does!

  23. Will, it is nearly 8 years since I lost Oskar and he still colors my life every day. I promise that one day, it changes and the pain becomes an ache. The tears lessen and smiles come. It took a heck of a long time for me, but it did happen. Oskar is part of my life every day. He brushes my thoughts multiple times a day and it is is a comfort. This is scant comfort now I know, but I wanted to share it with you. Sending you a {{hug}}
    Marty’s Mom

  24. This of course was our first experience having a holiday or ANY “occasion” without Sammy since he passed away December before Christmas – his favorite holiday – arrived. I don’t think either David or myself will ever really be the same now that he’s gone but even though we will be “different” we’ll be alright. We have lots of wonderful memories and of course when we adopt another cat our feelings will be colored slightly with the wonderfulness of Sam but we are on the road back from intense grief anyway. That’s the thing – you have those memories Will……….nobody can take that away…….it’s permanent. Which is VERY comforting indeed. The new year will hold a lot of exciting things for all of us I think……bumps in the road, detours, whatever comes we can handle it. I just know it.

    Pam

  25. OhMelvin says:

    This, like so many of your posts, hit home for me. Melvin is most certainly my road. I thought I’d travel more of that journey with Jake, but now it’s Doug who’s with me. I get it. Love this post.

  26. Great post and a fabulous end picture!! Good luck to you on your 2017 journey.

  27. adamsdoggyinstitute says:

    Great story! A dog really is man’s best friend 🙂

    Happy New Year mate – love the last picture in the post – definitely Facebook cover picture material.

    /Adam – The Doggy Institute

  28. cafall says:

    We wish you the best in 2017. Hugs and love and happy memories of the pups you had, and new adventures with the pup you have.

    Monty, Harlow, and Ramble

  29. Anne says:

    Remember, if you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello. I feel/ know, you are going to have a 2017, beyond your wildest imaginations full of love.

  30. iamparool says:

    There’s this line in the movie ‘Must Love Dogs’ that John Cusack’s role says:
    Jake: You know, but I think your heart grows back bigger. You know? Once you get the shit beat out of you. And, um, the universe lets your heart expand that way, and I think that’s the function of all this pain and heartache that you go through and you gotta go through that to come out to a better place and that’s how I see it, anyway.
    I think that’s the purpose of it all…is so your heart grows back bigger. Here’s to that in 2017.
    Peace.

  31. You express yourself beautifully. Wishing you and Penny all the best in 2017. Waggin’ trails!

  32. Mary says:

    Beautifully said. Safe travels, wherever you may go.

  33. Mary says:

    Will,

    The first trip home that I made after the loss of my little guy was so hard. I think I cried the whole way there and most of the way back. I held my breath as I got in the car not knowing that I was doing it. The trips home since have gotten easier, but still the loss is felt. The road is still there and still calls to me and each journey brings me a little more peace.

    Thank you for sharing …

    Best of luck with 2017!!! Hopefully it’s not as crazy as 2016 was.

    Mary

  34. Oh Will! Eko passed?? I’m just getting back to WP after being off a whole year. I saw one video with Penny and no mention of Eko, so I’m diving in to your past posts. How old was he? Was he sick? I am so so very sorry!

  35. This is beautiful. You’ve got it all right 🙂

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