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March 25, 2022Essay

The Age of Mayhem

Tomorrow, Penny Mayhem turns 8. If there was ever an age that belonged to my girl, it is this one. The number whose symbol is infinity stood upon its head. Fitting, because in a race between Penny and our infinite cosmos, infinity is starting to sweat.

Science can’t answer why our universe’s rate of expansion is increasing, but I know the truth – 93 billion light years might not be a safe distance from Penny. And so even the stars rush for the exit.

I can’t say I blame them. At 8, Penny is at the height of her powers. It’s been a privilege to witness her rise. From a shrapnel grenade puppy, to a razor sharp adult. From a kid sister, to a peerless matriarch. From a creature ruled by mayhem, to one who rules over it.

My front row seat also privileged me to be first in line for all the scrapes, scraps and screams which proximity to Penny elicits. As a younger man, I tucked these failures and flaws away – thinking they made me unworthy. It was Penny who demanded I realize our past suffering and our willingness to suffer again is the only thing that makes us worthy. 

Ridgebacks are exalted for their strength and speed and prowess, but a lion fears none of these things. It is a Ridgeback’s ability to suffer and endure a beast it should rightfully run from which terrifies the king. What a frightening thing it would be to have the full brunt of your power brought against a foe who not only accepts it, but chases you down for more?

From the beginning, Penny taught me to suffer and endure. In those early days it often felt like we were mismatched adversaries and I was the one suffering defeat. It took time for me to understand Penny needed me not to suffer for or against her, but with her. She didn’t need a master, she needed someone to help her master herself. 

And in the midst of that revelation, Eko died. The anchor of both our hearts cut away. Looking back, it was a tempest which could have driven us apart had Penny not lashed herself to my sinking soul. Not to pull me to safety. No, never that with my Mayhem. She dragged me right back into the storm. 

It was entirely against my will, but Penny was undeterred. She demanded I get out of bed and insisted we go for a walk, or a run, or a trip to the beach. And each one of those things was excruciating for me. Because of Penny I suffered, but because of Penny I endured. Together we chased after the lion of our shared grief until it collapsed. 

The years since have fortunately been filled with a more joyful suffering – that which accompanies a puppy and two babies! And though I’d grumble while carrying Zero down four flights of stairs to pee in the middle of the night, and groan through sleepless nights with a newborn, I did so with a new appreciation for the costs we pay for love. 

That, I think, might be Penny’s greatest gift to me. The ability to embrace suffering with my whole heart. To face it, welcome it, and have it see the diminutive demon by the side. And then to watch my suffering realize it would be best to join the stars in their flight away from this place. 

As ever, we’ll head to the beach to celebrate my girl. Everything and nothing changed from where we began this journey together. As Penny loops through the sand she’ll leave her trademark figure eight. And I’ll be content. Knowing that whatever suffering the future holds is temporary, but that love and Mayhem are infinite. 

Happy 8th birthday Penny Mayhem!

Comments for The Age of Mayhem

  1. Wonderful commentary on a life well lived! We all need a little Mayhem in our lives, keeps things interesting… we wouldn’t want the universe to get too comfortable. Happy birthday Miss Mayhem, you are one in a billion 💖🥳

  2. Pei says:

    Happy Birthday Penny Mayhem. What a beautiful birthday tribute Will.

  3. the dogs who bring us to our limits, are those who are the best for us… Happy Birthday dear Penny…. for a new year full of mayhem and love…

  4. Annette says:

    Happy birthday Penny . My girl Kelsey would of been 8 years old, she was born on 26/3/14, but sadly passed away on 6/3/22. I’m miss her every day. My love.

  5. Sarah Lipinski says:

    Happy Birthday Penny Mayhem, love and birthday wishes from New Zealand.

  6. Lynn Wolford says:

    There is only one Penny Mayhem in this world … and your Dad was chosen as the special Dad to call your own. Such a beautiful post about a little girl who turns life upside down and a Dad who wouldn’t have it any other way. Happy Happy Birthday, Penny! I hope it’s the best ever and may this year fill your life with even more mayhem fun and the memories it brings.

  7. Kismet says:

    Penny is 8? To a parrot she is just getting started,

  8. Max Davies says:

    Happy birthday Penny. A few more white hairs but nobody will notice.

    Kali

  9. Mary Ann says:

    Happy Birthday Penny, I wish you more strong years and happiness all the time .

  10. OMG you are still around!! Your blog stopped coming to me loooong ago. This morning you popped into my head and I searched for you. I tried to re-subscribe and I pray it worked! Happy Birthday Penny! Can’t believe she is 8!!!

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