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The battle was only half-won. Eko and Penny still needed to write to the old guy and convince him to load up their stockings
Eko’s letter was quite straightforward:
“Dear Santa, I am the world’s last line of defense against Penny. Love, Eko”
Can’t really argue with Eko’s logic. He’s a lock for the Nice List
Penny on the other hand? Oh Penny, Penny, Penny…
She imagines herself like the dog in this thrift-shop painting I just bought
While Penny is certainly just as cute as that pup when she’s sleeping.
It’s when she’s not sleeping things can get dicey. Or in the case of the couch, get diced
But Penny’s no fool to her precarious situation, so she knew she needed a compelling case for inclusion on the Nice List. Here is my transcription of her argument:Dear Santa,We live in a morally and ethically ambiguous time. An age in which the simple bifurcation of individuals into dualistic “naughty” and “nice” categorizations is simply impossible.The acute demands of globalization include a necessary mandate to consider a single question may have multiple, relativistic answers. Where some cultures may decry the destruction of a couch as unambiguously naughty, in many societies “Creative Reupholstering” is considered high art.…it goes on like this for ten pages…Finally, pursuant to 1648’s Treaty of Westphalia, you are bound to a non-interference pact in regards to my domestic affairs. Therefore you must, by both law and conscience, include me on the Nice List.Sincerely,Penny Mayhem I found Penny’s treatise persuasive, but St. Nick might not. She’s prepared a backup plan just in case…
Penny figures Santa’s got bills to pay too
We’ll be in New Jersey for Christmas, but when we get back I’ll be sure to let you know if Santa took the bait.