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October 11, 2016

Why Do You Get Out of Bed?

Emily slips from bed in the darkness of early morning. She is needed. The duplicitous currents of time cruelly carry us further from our dog, but they also carry promises of hope and joy to so many others. I hear the front door close and know the next time I see Emily she will have delivered new life into this world. She will place that new life into loving arms and witness spirits buoyed by the same waters which drown me. "Warn them," I think.
Emily slips from bed in the darkness of early morning. She is needed. The duplicitous currents of time cruelly carry us further from our dog, but they also carry promises of hope and joy to so many others. I hear the front door close and know the next time I see Emily she will have delivered new life into this world. She will place that new life into loving arms and witness spirits buoyed by the same waters which drown me. “Warn them,” I think. When you pull them from the safe confines of their mothers and bring them into this chaotic morass of existence, warn them.  We trumpet promises of love and devotion to babies, but shouldn’t we at least whisper the truth? “I love you, but…” “I love you, but I cannot always protect you. I love you, but you will suffer. I love you, but I do not know if that is enough.” I slip deeper into the dark womb of my blankets, unwilling to deliver myself into a world without Eko. I know what it means to fill your heart with love, to lift it like a hot air balloon. To cast down the doubts and fears which weigh you to the ground. To soar across the world, whooping and laughing with your dog. Then, on a perfectly clear day, I know what it means to have the strings of your heart cut mid-flight. Your only thought as you plummet towards the ground is that you wish it would hit you sooner. I lay broken and have no wish to get up. But a muzzle pokes its way into the darkness. It’s not quite the right shape as the nose which woke me each morning for five years. An insistent whine, not quite the right pitch, fills my ears. Still I stay huddled. Finally, as subtlety was never her strong suit, Penny smacks me across the face with her paw. She may lack Emily’s surgical skills, but Penny certainly knows how to bring you into this world all the same. “Come on, Penny, hop up,” I say, hoping to hide with her under the covers for the rest of the day. But Penny is unmoved by my bribe. Instead she sits, slowly wiggles the end of her tail, and stares at me. “Penny, please.” I beg. How can I explain to a dog that my world imploded and my soul shattered? How can I show her that my North Star fell from the sky and I’m lost in the dead of night? I can’t. But it doesn’t matter. Because I know her answer would be, “Yes, that’s all true. But I still have to pee.” With a joyless chuckle at the thought, I swing my legs out of bed and Penny bursts to life – shaking and stretching and smacking me lovingly with her tail. When someone wants to know who you really are they’ll often ask, “Why do you get out of bed in the morning?” Once I would have answered that question with rhetoric that soared like my heart. I would have said I got out of bed to dive headfirst into the dense jungle of each day and blaze a new trail with my dogs. I would have told you I got up to laugh loudly, play energetically and love greatly. And I would have told you I got up because each day with Emily, Eko and Penny was an amazing adventure I’d never want to miss a moment of. But today, I get out of bed because my dog has to pee. I give Penny a kiss, grab the leash and we head out for a walk. I still can’t make it very far without crying, and I have no idea where we’re going, but I am needed. A full bladder isn’t quite the same poetic reason for living that a full heart was, but it is a reason.  So I rise.

Comments for Why Do You Get Out of Bed?

  1. Victoria Coleman says:

    god bless Penny for helping you to get out of bed! It will get better, your heart will heal and Emily and Penny will help you with that – so hang in there Will! Eko would want you to keep having adventures with your girls.

  2. Rose Frame says:

    Loving despite how you feel. Isn’t that true love? Go team Penny!

  3. meANXIETYme says:

    My heart hurts for you every time I think of you. I know how to feels to lose a dog that is so much a part of you that it feels like you’ve lost yourself when they leave. Not just a small part of yourself, but ALL of you. I’m five years out last month. I won’t say it gets easier, but life keeps happening and you learn to move through it in a different way.
    Eko’s life and joy and love is spread out all over the world. You did that. And I thank you for loving him so much that you needed to share it with all of us. It has made this a better world.

  4. Michael Bondor says:

    LIfe goes on. Everyone has to pee.
    Love goes on as well.
    Get used to it.

    Or not.

  5. Jan & Rusty says:

    Yes, Penny, keep poking him, keep smacking him, keep loving him. We love you, too, Will.

  6. Paul Fehrenbacher says:

    Keeping Emily, Penny, & you in my thoughts and prayers. My heart continues to ache for you but is also excited knowing that there are more adventures to be had with Emily & Penny . . . .

  7. I feel with you… it hurts like crazy… and oh I fear this day(s). I’m glad Penny is there and you have your Emily …. to be not alone is a blessing when our heart is as heavy as a rock… hugs to you….

  8. Nancy Boyd says:

    Your words leave me breathless.

  9. Emmadog says:

    The hardest thing about losing a best friend is life has to go on. The world doesn’t stop wait for you, and if you have other pets, they need you. You may want to give them away right now because you don’t want them, you want the one you lost, but slowly, together you will bond deeper than ever with that pet. You will take walks and talk to Penny about Eko. She will always listen and always care. It will help your heart to heal a bit, but it is a long, slow process. My mom is still crying after four months, but she knows Bailie and I need her. She knows Katie would want Mom to enjoy life with us. You push through the tears and lack of energy and one day it will get a tiny bit easier, but life will never be the same. Nothing but working through it on your own terms can be of help. We are so sad for you, Emily, and Penny. Eko was such an awesome boy!

  10. Midge Mercer says:

    Keep on getting up whatever the reason.
    You are in my prayers.

  11. Elyse says:

    Just sending hugs and pats to Penny. I know she’s doing her best to help you all through this terrible time.

  12. Pat says:

    Emily and Penny need you as much as you needed Eko. They are your reasons. And the other dog who’s out there somewhere waiting. Words sure are crap. And I’m still crying.

  13. fredrieka says:

    One step at a time, the footfalls will echo into your soul. Ever so slowly the sun will shine again warming your memories and world.

  14. Aud says:

    Words fail me, but the flows of my tears did not. Will, there’ll come a day that you’d get up out of the bed and diving into life with joy again because Emily and Penny are there with you, and from my own experience each time you think abou Eko in years to come it will bring you smile because the memories you’ve had with him, although you’d still cry then but the love and joy that Eko had given you will propel you forward, and of course with Penny taking the rein as Eko once did, so hang on tight, she’ll take you for a ride.

  15. lauramcgrew says:

    I am just glad to see you post again, and to hear how you (and Penny and Emily) are doing.
    As I read all the responses to your posts since this happened, I noticed a common thread that kept emerging. Your relationship with Eko has helped people across the GLOBE to learn more about Ridgebacks, and even take that risky/rewarding step to find their own Eko for themselves and their families. I love that! That the power of your love for him, and the awesomeness of Eko, and your amazing skill in the written word has blessed human beings and dogs across the globe is miraculous and comforting and beautiful! It really is…he, through you, literally changed the dynamics in so many families, and forever!
    One day, one hour, one pee-break at a time, Will.

  16. NM says:

    all i can say is…that first step is the hardest. Thank god for Penny !!!! She WILL be the reason to keep you moving until you can feel the warmth of the sunshine in your life. I hope you will keep taking that first hard step every day until you can the ‘love’ again (with the tears). Welcome to life ….right Wil ?!???

  17. KarenS says:

    I dread the day when I too will have my heart yanked out of my chest due to the loss of either of my beloved boys. Or my spouse. I still see my husband tear up every time he sees a Newfie, and we lost her 12 1/2 years ago.

    Try each day to make the hurt less, keep pouring out your heart with your writings. We all understand your grief, we share it. Remember to tell Emily and Penny just how grateful you are that they are there.

  18. raisingdaisy says:

    I know how hard it is and I dread the day this visits our home as well. The shock of its suddenness makes it even worse. Thank God you have Penny and Emily to help you through, even though I’m sure you can’t really feel it right now. Penny’s antics and that beautiful little face of hers will start breaking through the darkness…slowly, but it will come. She is a godsend. You are in our prayers.

  19. wakefll says:

    Will, did you have a necropsy done on Eko? Was it hemangiosarcoma?

  20. Anonymous says:

    You’re a phenomenal writer. I’m not the most emotional person but I was tearing up reading this. I know you’ll never be your true self again without Eko, but I hope that one day you find some pieces of your heart again.

  21. Huggs and kisses for you, emily and penny. I know my sisters ridgeback knew when i needed a hug he just came up and sat on my lap. ( ya i know, but he knows that hes not alloud normaly)it always made me forget my baby boy for just a few minutes. So let Penny help you get up with her paws and help you dash into a new adventure. You will be able to do so.

  22. Jodi Wood says:

    Oh how I wish I could come out there and see you! My beloved ridgeback Lola left me on a rainy March 17th this year, Hemangiosarcomas, 7 years tooooo young . I NEVER thought I’d be the same ever. Just like Fredrieka said, one step at a time and one day at a time. I am finally feeling better. Hard to believe, but I felt all alone even though I have a huge family. I have a new baby girl named Perdie now. She is helping me. She is totally different than Lola, but every day I talk to her and tell her about her older sister and our hikes and adventures. My hurt has subsided and Perdie has helped take it away. Penny will help you. Talk to her about it all day if you have to! Love to you, I feel like you’re one of my best friends!

  23. Rose Frame says:

    Reply doesn’t work for me. IDK. But I do know that while we are trying to help (and express our emotions)…. you know you better than we do. You know, I took KC kayaking a few weekends ago. He drowned. Brought back by cpr and then on oxygen a few days. So close to having to deal with the loss of him. Instead of driving home, I sat in the vet school’s waiting area and cried for about an hour an a half. It’s easier to see when you aren’t crying, and I’ve wrecked enough cars to know I needed to wait. It’s awful, hard, and not fair. But I know THE moment I felt love was because of the other dog, (Jack Stack). I needed it. Chin up. I think you are on the right track. And Eko was beautiful and sweet.

  24. Abbie says:

    Thank you for sharing this, Will. I can only imagine the pain, as I’ve never lost a pet before (to say I’m terrified would be an understatement), but I’m so glad that you feel comfortable with sharing such a beautiful and raw story of what it feels like. At the same time it makes my heart break all over again for you…I know it will be ok eventually, but right now it doesn’t seem like it. Sending virtual hugs! ❤️

  25. I would like to say it’ll get better. I would like to say you’ll feel normal again. I would like to say it’s tough to argue with, “I’ve gotta pee.” But no. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to argue with, “I’ve gotta pee.” So up you go and out you go and although you may never feel normal, it WILL get better.

  26. Kismet says:

    It’s been almost 2 years and we still have Kyla moments. Kali has helped a lot. Trust Penny (the little pisser) to guide you through.

  27. Cindy Delgatto says:

    Oh Penny, such a sweetie….the universe works in such a way that it does indeed take care of all of us. Eko taught her wonderfully, gently guiding her to the responsibility that would become hers. I can see in her beautiful face all the wisdom of ages that Eko showed her,(I am sure it was one of the times when he had to put a paw on her face to hold her down to listen!) …She is a gift, no one knows why life is the way it is but she was put into your lives for purpose…. all of her love, energy, determination and yes even her mayhem. Eko will always be with us all, in our hearts and through your words. We as a community mourn the loss of Eko and we as a community will be here for you, Emily and Penny.

  28. Connie Taylor says:

    “I still have to pee.” It’s these little things that brings us back to reality and make us face our days. Emily is bringing new life into the world, and Penny is showing you a new kind of life with her by taking you on baby-steps on the road to recovery. Penny is your new anchor, guiding light and is happy to help you however she can. She had a good role model she learned from!

  29. Karen Boone says:

    Penny is holding your hand and telling Eko “Don’t worry, I’ve got him!”
    My precious Emily is sending you doggy hugs and kisses.

  30. coastingnz says:

    Bless you Penny girl. Talk, talk, talk, cry, cry, cry and grieve, grieve, grieve, Eko deserves it and it is the only way you will come out the other side. It is great you have a way with words as writing your thoughts down really helps too. My psychologist (yes I was so depressed when I lost Jeddyboy I had to seek professional help) suggested I write Jed a letter – I found this very helpful that and the advice to grieve. Embrace lying in bed crying, walking and running crying, hugging Penny crying, hugging Emily and crying – cry your heart out Will. Eko deserves nothing less – he was a very special boy loved by a very special boy and he couldn’t have asked for a better life or a better friend to share it with.

  31. htgerman says:

    I still can’t think about Eko without crying so I can’t even imagine how you feel.
    But I’m grateful that Penny is throwing you a life line and you are strong enough to grab it.
    Your heart is broken, you are feeling the excruciating pain of loss but you are not broken. I trust that with time, when you are ready, you will feel that you now have a new heart, a bigger one, the space within you where Eko now lives, and that where ever the currents of life take you, Emily and Penny Eko is always right there with you, every step of the way.
    Sending you lots of love from Spain

  32. I’ve tried to leave a comment several times since you lost Eko and it never works but I still keep writing to you because I still have feelings about your loss…..maybe when I hit “submit” this one will go through….and maybe you will finally know that Sammy and I think about Eko and all of you every day. I am so much older than you youngsters and experienced a lot of loss in my life, and I know everyone says it gets better – which it does – but love endures. And in the end, that’s all that matters……Penny and Emily love you and need you to be whole…..Eko will always be in your heart. Grieving is necessary and important but try not to dwell in it – the world needs to have you back with BOTH feet moving forward dear boy………….


  33. Beth Kisser says:

    Will, Emily and Penny our hearts are breaking with yours with the loss of your precious boy Eko. I can not even begin to tell you how many hours my son and I have spent watching your You Tube Videos and following your IG. Your family makes us laugh and the warmth, love and connection between all of you has been very inspiring. Watching a video of Eko and Penny brought a smile to my face for the first time after losing my sweet girl Angel and I thank you for that. Know we stand with you in your tears and some day in your smiles as you journey through this unpredictable thing we call life. I feel confident that Eko will always be watching over all of you and he is waiting patiently for you to join him again. We love you! Beth, Toby and Tagger.

  34. Dashlilly says:

    Give yourself permission to get up with lots of energy some days and without much energy other days. Penny does need you so you do have to get up… and find time to re-read what you wrote when your brother’s dog died. Those words have helped two of my friends when they lost their pups. They are inspired and healing words. But, to be completely honest, I can’t believe breathing let alone getting up and walking anyone after losing such a great dog like Eko. Well done.

  35. TheRidgebackLife says:

    I was one of the first ones to read your post this morning. I probably would have been the first if I had mustered up enough courage to open it. I wasn’t sure if I could keep my eyes dry. But, I concluded, if Will could write it, then I could read it. Your pain is so evident in your writing, it’s as if all those tears are flowing through cyber space. My first instinct was to respond. I must have started, deleted, and started again, so many times, I lost count. I’m not a religious person, but I do believe souls return to us. Eko will be back. He has to. His life with you was so special and he left such a huge part of himself with you. And in part, to all of us as well. I’m glad you’ve been able to share your healing process with us. Expressing our emotions helps to deal with them, so we can carry on, if not for ourselves, then for those depending on us. I’m so glad you have Emily and Penny to guide you through this tumultuous time. Keep writing Will, and we promise to keep reading and healing with you. Group hugs to Emily and Penny.

  36. weddingwho says:

    Oh Will, I have been constantly thinking of you, Emily and Penny, especially Penny pup. My heart broke when I read of Eko’s passing and I’m sure my two felt my sadness although they couldn’t comprehend why. It’s as every bit important for you to grieve as it is to get up for Penny. Let her grieve with you and hopefully minute by minute, your grief dulls a little more.

  37. I’ve been waiting with held breath to see a post from you. I’m sure it was hard to put fingers to keyboard but you did it and you did it like you always do. With tenderness, humanness, and a bit of humor ’cause when a dog’s gotta pee they gotta go and they need us to open the door. Hopefully Penny will continue to open that figurative door for you and you’ll continue to walk through and into light. Because it won’t always be this dark. Yes, easy for me to say but it’s true. Life goes on. You and Penny go on. You and Penny and Emily go on. And soon you’ll smile because the human spirit is almost as strong as the dogs.
    Take care and keep posting,

  38. Robyn Brown says:

    Thank you for the beautifully written update. Brought tears. We are all grieving with you. We love Eko, too! You take all the time you need to heal from this tragic and sudden loss. Take it day by day and minute by minute. Let Penny grieve with you. Pets feel the loss like we do. Her life is different now. Her buddy isn’t there to hang out with anymore. So glad you have her to comfort you–our pets are truly a blessing. I know the memories hurt right now and they are going to for quite a while. But one day you will be able to say “remember when Eko did…………………” and it will bring smiles and laughter to you and your family again. You will never forget him and some day I truly believe you will be reunited with him again. We are all here for you and your family. God bless!

  39. Jenniffer says:

    Thank you for letting us know how you, Emily and Penny are doing. I lost my boy Chopper about 15 months ago to hemangiosarcoma and some days I still grieve for him. I’ve lost a few dogs over the years…it always hurts, but somehow I manage, at some point, to think of “the good times”. It is harder for me to do that with Chopper…perhaps because of the sudden onset, or maybe it was that he was truly that remarkable! I’m not telling you something you haven’t already thought about, but maybe it helps (a little) to know that many of us share your pain from the same place in our hearts. In any case, if for now, the thing that gets you up is Penny needing to pee, then so be it…as the Beatles sang “Whatever gets you through your life, It’s all right, it’s all right.”

  40. Fozziemum says:

    Will my heart hurts for you..for us it was a weird opposite..Forrest was our wake up call…insistent on no sleep ins..he was the one barking for breakfast and dinner..suddenly we were sleeping in..and realising dinner time had passed without our alarm pup…Doc would just relax..it made it harder to get motivated..nearly 6 months on i still find myself unmoved to do much..i organised our linen cupboard and found a coat i had made him..i lose my composure..i see his picture as i walk through a room..i sigh and say his name out loud..i say goodnight to him every night..now Doc is so unwell so hot in the heels of Forrest i fear when he goes i will lose any desire to get out of bed…the only thing i can say is breathe..in and out..i can’t promise it gets better..all i can say is you learn to live a new kind of life..and if you need to rage at the world do so but also be kind to yourself..you have a long road to go before springing out of bed but Penny will help..my love to you all ..

  41. EVe says:

    Yes I am crying with you and remembering my own pain when I lost my husband in the wee hour of the am and being the one to find him. I was numb but and had our 3 boys to keep me going, I would cry at the weirdest times, sometimes a memory, song or something would remind me of him. After going thru that I dread the day that Juley (hound) leaves too. But as I learned time does heal the worst of the wound and helps slow down the pain. Penny you do have important paws to fill and I know you will be able to handle it just as Juley did in 2012. Prayers for you all!!

  42. Lina says:

    Will, I feel for you, your pain feel as my own when I read your words, thank you for sharing. My heart has been broken by my puppies all my life. It is crushing, every time. Thanks for getting up for Penny, she needs you too, all she knew was Eko, Emily and you.

  43. Jo Rhodes says:

    I am so grateful you have Emily and Penny to pull you out of that dark hole that swallows us whole when we lose some one we love. I don’t know if having people you’ve never met grieve your wonderful boy eases your grief, or makes you feel like, “Who are you to tell me you love my dog( whom you’ve never met?!) Good job getting out of bed. Remember to keeping breathing in the love we’re sending. We here for you!
    Jo, Sam and Dean

  44. Ellen Quilty says:

    Will it appears as though you now have two medical professionals in your house.Dr Emily who pulls babies into the world and now Dr Penny Mayhem who is pulling you back into the world.Her technique may not be glamorous but it will be effective.We as human beings need to be a part of something and matter to someone or many someones.This is especially true when we go through something as difficult as what you are experiencing.Judging by what you wrote today you know this instinctually and that is very healthy.Let Penny work her magic.It sounds like you have no say in the matter anyway.
    And keep writing your heart out.We are here to listen.

  45. Sara says:

    Will-I work where Emily’s grandparents live and share my five year old male RR and 18 mo old female RR with them and their fellow neighbors frequently. Both were raised there at work with me. Before I realized the connection between you and them, I shared many of your stories and videos with staff and residents alike. I cannot imagine the loss that you are feeling as I feel we have some parallels. Know that Eko, Penny l, Emily and yourself have and will continue to spread great joy to many. There is nothing quite like a Ridgeback-subtlety and all 🙂

  46. Lynn Wolford says:

    Oh, Will. My heart just aches for you. Eko and you were something special together — you could just see how much you loved him. He was the light of your life, and Penny was, and is, your little shining star happily following in all the fun. It was like the three of you made every minute count — I don’t think you could have packed more love into Eko’s life than what you did. Having Eko taken from you so suddenly, with no warning, makes it even harder. Eko was Penny’s rock and she’s got to be so confused. She needs her Dad. And her Dad needs her. One day you WILL be able to look back and think of Eko — and not with such a heavy, aching heart. There will always be a special sadness, but you’ll be able to smile and say, “Eko was just the coolest dog there ever was.” It’s okay to cry, Will. You loved him. And as you said, “He deserves every tear.”

  47. Oh Will…((((hugs)))))) your pain comes through each word. It is so strange to see a photo of Penny without Eko……….most of the photos of Penny she is with Eko if it is tearing me apart….once again, I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling. But….thank God for Penny, as others have stated…SHE NEEDS YOU……….(even if her bladder weren’t full)…SHE NEEDS YOU….her silliness will one day make you smile…the smile won’t be exactly the same without Eko, I know that………..but she WILL make you smile just the same. Thank God for crazy, nutty Penny………remember…she is your LUCKY Penny, you can’t see that now…….but she is. We all send you much love.

  48. Lane says:

    This is the picture I will forever cherish in my heart. It is so iconic.


    Thanks for making it happen.

  49. Crummy Hooligans says:

    So glad you could share a little bit of your “new life”. We know it is the hardest thing that could every be done. We lost our magnificent brown girl a couple days before your Eko. For 9 years she was my rock, my heart and the only creature on this planet that could save me from myself. It was so fast it was unbelievable, but not so fast I didn’t have to see her suffer and dying in front of me and every minute broke my heart. I would have given anything in the world to make it stop, the nightmare in front of me. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go thru and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Then I read about Eko and felt you crushing agony again and lost myself in the pure heartbreak of losing my angel.

    The day after she passed, one of our other Hooligans came and sat down next to me and put her paw on my arm while I was shaking and bawling my eyes out. She was telling me it was OK. Ok, to be sad, ok to miss my furbaby and most of all, ok to hurt. I know this sounds stupid, but I gave in to both of my two Hooligans (that are home with me) and let them help me heal. Every day I see a little piece of my brown girl in my two fools and the “Honorary Hooligans” that still hang out with us and it is beautiful. She was truly an angel and has touched many lives. She shared the best of her so she will always be around. Even though I can’t squish on her and bury my face in her fuzzy fuzz, she is still here. I miss her so much and cry for her more than I want to admit, she is watching over me – and when I finally allowed it, the joy she left behind has started healing me. I will never be whole again, but I will always know her love and still have two amazing fuzzy butts to help me thru my struggle.

    We hope you can find a place that gets you where you can start to heal. Life will never be the same again, but it isn’t over. He will forever be with you. Embrace and find strength in his love. All the love around you.

  50. Anna Hidalgo says:

    I read your post and tears involuntarily poured down my face. Your grief, expressed through your words, is palpable. The loss of Eko is so unfathomable, even to me. Bless Penny for giving you a reason to emerge from the fog, if only for a few minutes.

    I hope this blog, and the community that holds you in our hearts, provides some small comfort in this time of great sorrow.


  51. Geri Zeibert says:

    Will, I was overjoyed to see your post. I was so worried about poor Penny. How would she understand that her brother was gone? How would you support Penny and Emily in their grief when you would be so mired in yours? Most of us have been through those dark days. Our fur brothers and sisters have such short life spans compared to ours it is inevitable that we will ache for their loss. Perhaps the only saving grace in that situation is that a space opens up in our heart and we ache to fill it. Sometimes we are able to give some other deserving soul a chance at a real home and a loving heart that they might not have ever gotten without our undergoing the loss of our original best friend.
    That may be along time from now but I am certain that Eko would wish to bring joy to one of his brethren and to see you, Emily and Penny make great good come from such a sad separation. Plus, someday Penny might make a great big sister after all the lessons that Eko has taught her! Until then, just look for a chink of light every day and let your heart be aware of not only your sense of loss but the possibility that Eko is there for you, perhaps just beyond your fingertips but nestled securely in the recesses of your heart. Whenever you need him reach for him there and I believe you will feel his goodness deep within you. We are all pulling for you, Will. We will wait, worry and hope until you find your way. Blessings.

  52. Jennifer Ward says:

    Oh dear Penny- Thank you for giving Will the one/two on the chin at pee time, for knowing he needs you too & for giving him your best. Your big brother has taught you well. Will- even if Emily printed a note of caution & attached it to a tiny toe (like a gift tag) on each & every miracle she guides into this world, the parents would not believe it. Fortunately for us, the love and joy in the present moment fills us so completely…however fleeting…then in time life teaches us the most painful lessons too. Will, know Eko the magnificent spirit picked you to share his life & love. (& somehow teach all of us as u can read in the messages from your friends who are right with you.) Keep writing Will with your whole heart as you do so beautifully and purely.
    Sending you,Emily & Penny healing wishes & love.
    Jen & Taylor

  53. Sometimes words are not enough. The days move on and the grief will ebb and flow. I saw that one person suggested Eko will come back to you again, and I know this to be true. Roxy because she looks so much like Lincoln, the first dog that was truly my dog. Lincoln was a boy, Roxy is a girl, but she brought him back to me in her own special way…and she’s added her own spin to that personality.

    I don’t know if this makes sense, Will, but I do believe our pets return to us in some way. AND I know they will be waiting on the other side of the rainbow bridge in heaven.

    One day at a time, and if that doesn’t work, one second at a time. You will continue to grieve. That never changes, but let Penny help you move forward. She still needs you.

  54. Mary says:

    Ever since I started reading your blog I have looked forward to new installments each week.
    (By the way I really missed reading them over the summer!)
    Now I watch for them because I know you are hurting and having lost my Chewie girl three years ago, it is reminding me of the grief.
    I love my dogs Rebel and Aussie, but Chewie could never just be replaced!
    I am thankful for each day I have with them.
    I remembered and rewatched your video blog “just a dog” and it was so well done. I found it by chance when I was sharing what was going on with you with a co worker.
    Please post periodically. We really want to know how you are doing.
    I continue to pray for you each day!
    You brought me joy through your postings.
    I am sharing in your grief.
    Please kiss penny and hug her hard!

  55. Ellen Quilty says:

    Sending hugs today.

  56. Robyn (@three.red.dogs) says:

    It’s miraculous isn’t it, through the toughest of times, our dogs can start to help us heal. A sliver at a time. Even if it’s around the block for a pee or a sudden cuddle longer than most. One foot in front of the other. Cry, let it out. Death is a painful and a cruel reality, where life must go on. Penny shows the beauty of living in the moment. I know you wouldn’t exchange one minute with Eko and every tear that is shed was well deserved – a hug, a smile, a run, an experience – they do so much for us in such a short time. Eko was more than lucky to be able to exchange such unconditional love. Hugs and love… Robyn

  57. Andrew, Mikhaela & Leo says:

    Devastated for your loss Will. Your last video on PetCentric “It’s just a dog” is so poignant. Wishing you, Emily and Penny all the best.

  58. I felt the same way dealing with Noodle and Khia after Mya passed. She was my first dog. My heart. My soul. Feel those feelings. Live through them. There will be happiness again. In time. -Samantha

  59. She probably needs you even more now than ever. And not just for peeing. Her world was as inexplicably altered as was yours.

  60. […] of reasons for getting up, as I’ve said before, Penny is mine. I’m doing my best to return the favor by pouring all the love and devotion I can into each […]

  61. […] I locked myself in that shrine in my heart and tried to bar the doors. But Emily pushed me, Penny pulled me, and thousands steadied me as I learned to live outside myself […]

  62. […] years of speaking with a full heart I had to learn to listen with an empty one. I spent each day trying to replace what I lost, but when I lay my head down to sleep and tapped my heart it still rang […]

  63. […] It all fell to pieces when Eko died. All the love, all the lessons and all the progress swept away in a flood of anger and despair. I pushed everything and everyone away, but Penny was unmoved. Each morning a sharp nose poked its way under the covers and demanded I get out of bed. […]

  64. […] What if he knew one day I’d be going through hell, but the Churchillian encouragement of “keep going,” would fall on deaf ears? What if he gifted me a little demon because he knew I would need someone familiar with the joint to drag me out? […]

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